Long time no post
Aug. 8th, 2018 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mermaidblueWell folks its been forever since I posted anything. Honestly, after med school and residency ended, both my parents died, and then my relationship fell apart I was spending far too much time just surviving to write anything.
The last few years have been a whirlwind of dating, moving, working far too much, and trying to keep up with the relationships that had lasted through all of the above.
Last spring (2017) I met a great guy, who supported me as I supported him and he helped me survive through a year of 24/7 call at a job that was becoming untenable...and then drove me to 9 or 10 fellowship interviews to get back to my first love in medicine, neonatology. I got a fellowship, found a new house, and though I was finally out from under my black cloud of choatic doom.
And then June and July hit. Not one or even two but 3 good friends were having serious health problems. The move was turning in to a shit show. An M and began having some serious issues 3 months after we tied the knot.
I wish I could say things have gotten better, but they haven't in a lot of ways. M and I are still struggling. My beautiful house in Pawtucket has not sold, for reasons unclear to everyone including my real estate agent. Majd may lose his work authorization for a second time in 2 years due to the fucker up USCIS response times, even though we're married now! Which leaves us in pretty major financial distress given the pay cut I had to take for fellowship. Add to that my car breaking, being back to working 80 hours a week, the continued demands for money from his family in Syria....
and last but not least I lost a dear dear friend on the day I started fellowship. This has thrown me back in to drowning in an ocean of grief....and more than likely I may lose another one soon.
How am I? I'm here. I don't know anything right now. Not if M and I will make it...or how we will get through this financially. Not how to process the seemingly never ending well of grief....not how t deal with it happening more and more often as I age. Not if I will ever get to have children or a true family. The list goes on...
But one thing I do know is I love my new career...and so far they seem to like me too! Silver lining to some giant lightening filled black clous but I'll take it
The last few years have been a whirlwind of dating, moving, working far too much, and trying to keep up with the relationships that had lasted through all of the above.
Last spring (2017) I met a great guy, who supported me as I supported him and he helped me survive through a year of 24/7 call at a job that was becoming untenable...and then drove me to 9 or 10 fellowship interviews to get back to my first love in medicine, neonatology. I got a fellowship, found a new house, and though I was finally out from under my black cloud of choatic doom.
And then June and July hit. Not one or even two but 3 good friends were having serious health problems. The move was turning in to a shit show. An M and began having some serious issues 3 months after we tied the knot.
I wish I could say things have gotten better, but they haven't in a lot of ways. M and I are still struggling. My beautiful house in Pawtucket has not sold, for reasons unclear to everyone including my real estate agent. Majd may lose his work authorization for a second time in 2 years due to the fucker up USCIS response times, even though we're married now! Which leaves us in pretty major financial distress given the pay cut I had to take for fellowship. Add to that my car breaking, being back to working 80 hours a week, the continued demands for money from his family in Syria....
and last but not least I lost a dear dear friend on the day I started fellowship. This has thrown me back in to drowning in an ocean of grief....and more than likely I may lose another one soon.
How am I? I'm here. I don't know anything right now. Not if M and I will make it...or how we will get through this financially. Not how to process the seemingly never ending well of grief....not how t deal with it happening more and more often as I age. Not if I will ever get to have children or a true family. The list goes on...
But one thing I do know is I love my new career...and so far they seem to like me too! Silver lining to some giant lightening filled black clous but I'll take it
