Feb. 28th, 2012

mermaidblue: (Default)
...another post.

I am now thankfully on the last of my 10 days of work in 12 days. So of course, the pager started up as soon as I got in. At this point, I'm waiting on 2 admissions both of whom are likely fine but need watching. There's also a baby who may need to stay an extra day for observation and one woman in labor. Hopefully I can catch 6 hrs of sleep before rounds, a meeting, and a personal training appointment. Then I crash!

Emotionally, I had a good few days but the doldrums returned this morning. It may just be exhaustion, but all the usual doubts about whether I'll ever meet my partner, have kids, etc surfaced. There's nothing wrong with my life right now besides loneliness, but sometimes it is overwhelming especially when I think it may stay this way.

It won't of course. Even since J left things have changed significantly. He's getting help- counseling and AA. So far it's working even through its only been a couple of weeks. Too bad he had to destroy our relationship before he could accept help but that's the way it is.

So I guess I'm just trying to put my mind back together, as well as my life. I go to Al-anon occasionally for whatever I can learn. I'm doing a lot of reading on philosophy, self-improvement etc for whatever that is worth. I'm going to the personal trainer 2x a week and trying to keep myself busy. Which is proving to be very frustrating as I'm not losing any weight even though I'm losing inches and getting stronger-blech!

We'll see.

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March 2013

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