catching up...or not

I took the new years weekend off and returned to more than 300 posts yesterday, so I apologize but I won't be catching up but if there's something you want me to see please point me at it. I wasn't feeling well so I didn't go anywhere at all, but that turned out fine as well.

I also apologize for not getting my holiday cards out but at this point I've given up. If you really really want on let me know and I'll get it to you but otherwise know that I appreciate all of you.

Also many, many thanks to those who took the time to send me cards and well wishes. They helped me remember that not veryone hates me as much as my boss. Special thanks to oceansong for the CUTEST picture, which will go up in my office.

As for life, it continues without much change. I'm still working 12+ hour days, still hating every second of it, and still determined to somehow make it through though I have no idea how I will get there.

I went on an antidepressant a few weeks ago, reluctantly, but it does seem to be helping somewhat. Now instead of crying I get pissed off when my boss is a jerk. The morning are the worst at this point. Wedging myself out of my comfy bed with puppies and boy in it to go somewhere I don't want to be is always a struggle.

Frankly, unless it is a family or a child I particularly like, I really don't want to see the first few patients though I make a huge effort to be pleasant and kind. Usually about 11 AM or so I start to feel more human, and can make it lunch without a problem unless they book me for 6 patients in the last hour or something.

I'm supposed to see 4 patients an hour, which isn't really a great amount of time but possible. The secretary is instructed to double book one patient an hour, which backs me up but I can still get through. However, when things get busier than that I lose it. I get very rushed and frustrated and then my lovely boss starts pressuring me to go faster which really helps a lot.

Physicals and new patients are especially time consuming, and generally take about 20 minutes to get a good history, at least. When there are 2 new patients, 1 physical, and 3 or 4 sick visits in one hours *sigh* that is not good.

Yesterday that was my afternoon, and I left at 6:30 to go straight to the hospital to see the babies that I had to see by 7 PM or face censure from the hospital. Oh yeah, and my boss didn't help at all even though he didn't even see 10 patients yesterday afternoon and he left before 6 PM.

Grrrr, argh. 195 days left before I can quit.

small blessings

Last night after a frustrating day at work and a very scary hour of thinking my cell phone had been stolen, I arrived home to find that J. had done the grocery shopping and gotten me al kinds of little things I love like Asian pears and Uncrustable snadwiches.

And then he handed me a Happy Bunny calendar that he'd found for me when wandering around Walmart. The slogan for the month is "I'm too good for this" which makes me laugh!

Then we had a glass of glood wine and he made marvelous stuffed shells for dinner. I had slept poorly the night before so I crashed early but the evening was lovely.