Here goes

Jan. 8th, 2011 04:04 pm
mermaidblue: (drowning in fall)
.... first real post in quite a while.

How am I doing. OK, I guess. Frankly, I'm exhausted from 40 days without a single day off and very little uninterrupted sleep. But I'm plugging along and getting ready to go home at the end of the week. There are lots of things I'll miss about Machias- the natural beauty, the great people, my quiet little oasis of an apartment. But I don't think I could do this long term without a partner to split the call with.

Money wise things are pretty good. I;m carefully putting away a portion of my salary for taxes next year so I don't get caught out. I did manage after a fair amount of legwork to get the house refinance through yesterday. It'll mean coming out of pocket with some cash, but it'll get us a lower interest rate and a payment that is much closer to what we can rent the house for. We'll still be taking a small loss every month, especially after we pay the property management agency, but it'll be a lot better and make things easier in MA.

As far as the job transition goes, I've done everything I need to do and at this point we are just waiting on my MA license and credentialing at the hospital. From talking to my new coworker, it sounds like she and the hospital will be very glad to have another full time hospitalist there. I need to brush up on some emergency procedures though, since I haven't done some things since residency.

Jason and I are fine, just tired of being apart. I miss the puppies horribly and think that I'd slide in to depression if I was without all of them for much longer.

I did take a fairly significant leap for myself and join weight watchers last week. I really did not want to, in fact think about it still makes me feel a bit queasy. I've tried so many things over the years, and if this one doesn't work either I don't know what I'll do with myself. Once I have health insurance again, I'll go to a dietician, etc and get my thyroid rechecked as well. But so far, I haven't had any trouble staying within the point values. I do need to be more active as well, although I've gotten in at least one activity point a day.

I find myself being very emotional of late. I'm not really sure why. There's nothing really wrong per se. But little things seem to be hitting me harder than I'd expect or in unusual ways. My brain just won't quiet down, but there's so much going on I CAN'T SEEM TO PROCESS MY WAY THROUGH ANY ONE THING. Like, why should weight watchers bother me? Why do I suddenly miss Tasha so much? Why does it seem like everything I have to do before we move is piled up so high I'll never get to the bottom?

I know these changes are for the good, that I'll never fit in medicine in Georgia. If there's anything that proves that, it's how much everyone likes me here in Maine. But there are so many people I'll miss, and so many thing I wish were different.

And I can't change any of them.
mermaidblue: (Default)
I really really wish I could take at least one or 2 of these cats, but the evilness of Tiggr prevents me.

If you have room in your life or love to gove please seen this post and provide a home for these gorgeous cats whose owner recently died of cancer.

Please repost and boost as much as possible!
mermaidblue: (Default)
I realized that I've hardly written anything here lately, and certainly nothing of substance. I've been reading everything, and commenting at times but not sharing.

Mostly that's been because things in Northern ME are pretty darn quiet, but not entirely. There's a lot of flux in my life right now and I'm finding it all a bit overwhelming. The To Do list is truly horrific, and rather than write about it I've just been letting things filter inside my head.

Also, I'm starting to try to deal with my major psych issues, and this too is not easy. I'm finally (for the first time in about 7 years) in a place where I can stop moving from crisis to crisis and start living my life. Harder to do than type sadly. And if I'm going to move forward and be myself, rather than any of the people expected of me, I have to deal with my past as it affects me now.

So, while things will be a bit more interesting here, they are also to be darker, more rambling, and intensely emotional. Feel free to de-friend if you feel the need.
mermaidblue: (Default)
It FINALLY exists! although admittedly not in the cartoon form.

Xmas

Nov. 27th, 2010 04:59 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
My Xmas gifting will be delayed due to being in Maine for 5-6 weeks.

I don't expect anyone to get em anything, but if you feel the need/desire here's my wish list at a wide variety of price points:

make a wish!

Yay, Cake!

Nov. 23rd, 2010 03:13 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Anyone in the ATL wake to come see Cake with my on 1/18?
mermaidblue: (Default)
we weave when we dare to make a plan!


People keep asking how I am, and accusing me of being quiet. I never know what to say. There is a lot going on, but none of it is simple.

I am working some locum tenens work. For those of you not in medicine, that means fill in jobs for doctors who are on vacation or locations that can't get someone to work there full time. It's been enough to pay the bills and hopefully will continue to be so. I does means a large amount of time away from home, about 1/2 the month in varying size chunks. It's not easy on either Jason or I. I have an even longer 4-6 week assignment in Maine in December and January, so I'll be missing the Holidays and away from my family and friends for a long time. But, I can't argue with the pay, so *shrug* we make due.

Money, therefore, is ok but not great. We can make ends meet, but there is very little wiggle room, especially since we have Jason's 2 best friends, their 2 dogs, 2 ferrets, and a sugar glider living with us. We did think about saying no, but they really had no where else to go except to live out of his car. So we had to get the upstairs A/C fixed and some other things that cost a fair amount. Plus they aren't giving us any rent, just covering their utilities. Oh, and I foolishly let her drive my car, so of course she promptly hit someone. Hopefully it won't affect my insurance rates as it's the only at fault incident in over 7 yrs with this company and it wasn't even me! But either way, I'm out the $500 deductible.

The job search continues, and in a certain sense I've been very lucky. I've gotten tons of interviews, and a few offers. Sadly, the job I really wanted said no with an excuse that according to a corporate wise friend of mine (thx [livejournal.com profile] durthorin translates as "too expensive to get you up here and you won't bring any patients with you" so I guess we just keep going. I am not going to uproot everyone and leave all my friends for anything less than the perfect job!

Socially, things are ok. The interviewing often leads people to ask where in the world I am that day. Add in the weeks away from home, and I'm not seeing people as much as I'd like for being technically unemployed. I haven't even gotten to meet [livejournal.com profile] sibylla's new dog yet ! *pout* Hopefully, I can make that up in the 2 wks off I have coming up (around Thanksgiving) before I head off to Maine.

Mentally, I've very up and down. November is always a tough month anyway. The anniversaries of both my parent's deaths and the loss of my kitten, MoonPie, make it tough regardless of any other occurrences. The job loss and being stranded for over 6 hrs in Logan Boston airport did not help. For the first time in several years, I wanted to give up and hibernate after crying for a few hours. So of course, when I got home, Jason proposed!!!

This has, as you can imagine, vastly improved my mood. :D When I got home, everything seemed normal. The puppies were yipping and barking. Jason and Chuck were putting together a table. I staggered up to the bedroom, and put my suitcase down and was chatting with Brandy about little things, and I he said "I just have one question." When I turned around, there he was on one knee with the ring. Of course I teared up, and said yes...twice I think! He stood up and hugged me and then put the ring on my finger.

Here's a picture:


Apparently the evil plan was to invite 12-15 people over, and surprise me when I got home. He'd gotten brunswick stew, baked beans, and barbecue for everyone to eat to have a small party afterward. Sadly, my being stranded in Logan ruined that plan...but it was still a wonderful surprise!

So I guess things are ok but not great, except the ring of course. :D
mermaidblue: (Default)
I owe you guys a real post. Sorry but it won't be tonight, less I explode.
mermaidblue: (Default)
Definitely worth reading, but it makes me sad .
mermaidblue: (Default)
There's a lot going on in my life right now, and I feel t times like I have 3 full time jobs, plus social stuff.

First of all my work continues to be quite hectic. I'm still seeing 25-30 patients a day, getting out between 5:30 and 6 PM most nights. Also, I'm still signing off on charts for the new doctor. Since school is about to start, there are as well school forms for myself, the new doctor, and the fill in doctor all of which I have to do. Then Friday my boss gave me research to do for him. :P

Then their is my second job, aka finding a new job. I've been pretty much continuously looking for the last month or so. This also involves lots of emails, phone calls, and trying to set up interviews in the 5 days off I have for the rest of the year. Frankly, I've not finding much in the Atlanta area...so then there is all the moving, timing, selling the house, etc bull**** that goes along with that fact. But I keep waking up saying "I just want to go home" even when I'm at our house. So I guess it's time.

Right now the best prospect I have is on Cape Cod, where I was born. So if you can and would like to, please send up thoughts/prayers/candles that I can get that job if it is where the gods want me to be.


Of course, there is also the house, which might as well be another full time job. Almost every second I'm not doing one of the above things, I'm working on the house and/or garden. With Jason working 4 days a week, I'm having to do a lot more at home even though he is still helping out.

As far as the animals, the dogs are just fine and Tiggr seems to be doing ok despite his early stage renal failure. He's lost a lot of weight despite the special diet.

Jason's health is another big thing right now, but not something I seem to be able to get anywhere with. I've tried 5 ways to Sunday to get him evaluated, but no luck. He hasn't had any episodes in a while, but I'm still worried about him. Quite worried actually.

My health seems to be fine, except all the dieting and exercising are NOT working. I'm very very frustrated about that. Also, I'm having to get a lot of dental work done, which is both time consuming and expensive.

Money is about the only thing that is solidly and regularly ok right now. My job my suck but at least it pays well. I'm able to do what we need to and extend some help to others when they need it. Which is great, but doesn't alleviate the fact that almost every one I know is in a bad situation of one sort or another. I know that this is just the way the world is right now, but unremitting misery sure does wear on the soul somewhat. especially since most of the time there is very little if anything I can damn well do.

So no deep thoughts here, really. But that's my current life.
mermaidblue: (Default)
I tend not to talk much about race. Yes, I am white. I am also female and outspoken and living in the South. These things balance in strange ways, when they balance instead of falling over crashing to the ground.

I'm not going to talk now either. But this is a very well thought out, well written piece. via [livejournal.com profile] nounsandverbs

Edit: link fixed. Sorry!
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there. You have the hardest job in the world.
mermaidblue: (Default)
Leaving on a cruise in the AM. Officially out of touch via twitter, facebook, email, and phone for the next week. Texts might or might not reach me. Take care y'all!
mermaidblue: (Default)
X-posted from [livejournal.com profile] irana to reach as many people as possible:

This is [livejournal.com profile] mermaidblue writing in [livejournal.com profile] irana's journal. Sadly this will be the last post in this journal, though the journal itself will be left up in perpetuity.

I honestly don't know how to even being to write this post, much less what to say. It feels presumptuous to even attempt to write in this space.

Tasha was so much better at expressing herself via the written word than I will ever be. She had a gift for making characters that felt real and compelling. But, in real life, it was Tasha herself who was compelling. The very first time I met her, it was a random drop by at a mutual friend's house. We hit it off almost instantaneously, forming the "Big Tittie Committee" on the spot, with an secret boobshake no less! I don't really remember what was said in specific, just the enormous fun we had. People were drawn to her, like a moth to a flame. She often did not realize that she made an impression, but no one who met her ever forgot her ardent opinions on just about everything.

Over the next years, she and her family became an integral and essential part if my life. I couldn't even being to list the things we shared. She saw me through the death of both my parents in a rather short period, and the meeting of the love of my life. I sat with her through some of the darkest nights of her soul, and her joy as we watched her daughter grow. I haunted the hospital when she was went in to heart failure and through her remarkable recovery. If we didn't talk for a week or see each other for a few weeks, I knew something was up. And half the time, when we did call it was met with an "I was just thinking about you!" on the other end of the line.

Some of my best memories of her are of random small events. Driving in the chill December night with the top of my car down and both the heat and the music up at full blast. Shopping silliness at Dragon*con, trying on corsets that transformed me in to the Boob Fairy. Absolutely cracking up with that amazing laugh of hers intertwined with my giggles. Bouncing frantically in front of the pirate ship, trying to get picked for a great deal on a katana. Many a phone call in the wee hours from both ends, when we just couldn't handle something in our lives alone. Sitting on my porch drinking wine and discussing absolutely everything . Some of the things I know can never be spoken aloud to any other soul, but I value the confidence she had in me when she shared them.

But the most important thing about Tasha is that she never, ever gave up. Things had been very hard multiple times in her life, but she never stopped hoping and believing that things would get better. She met every day as a new challenge, and lived each moment to the fullest of her ability. She always had an open heart and a place in it for a new friend, a new adventure, or a new love. Her physical beauty was astounding, but didn't even begin to compare to her joie de vivre and her strength. She was my best friend in the entire world.

I, as with so many others, will miss her more than I could ever say. There is a hole in my life and my heart that will never heal. And there are no words for that.
mermaidblue: (Default)
If you can find it, you really must get you some of this:

absolutely wonderful beer!

Definitely the best beer I have ever had... ever, ever, ever!

Sadly only available in limited quantities once a year, and excitingly different every single year!
mermaidblue: (Default)
If you at all like classical music or piano music or history, you must listen to this:

More poignant than you can imagine!

The difference is like listening to Japanese bubble pop and then hearing Ella Fitzgerald.
mermaidblue: (Default)
Anyone borrow my Thursday Next books (by Jasper Fforde) and not returned them yet? Cuz I can't find any of them and owned 4.

Bdaze

Feb. 9th, 2010 01:23 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo birdie to the amazing and fun foodie [livejournal.com profile] amused_bouche!

Bdaze

Feb. 8th, 2010 12:34 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy birthday to [livejournal.com profile] witchygreen!

Bdaze

Feb. 7th, 2010 10:14 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo birdie to the ever elusive [livejournal.com profile] ashlupa!
mermaidblue: (Default)
A very happy birthday to [livejournal.com profile] paidirompair! Sorry I was too sick to post yesterday :(

Bdaze

Jan. 17th, 2010 03:30 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo birdie to the always handy and even more spectacular [livejournal.com profile] waywalker!

Bdaze

Jan. 3rd, 2010 01:59 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy Birthday to [livejournal.com profile] nounsandverbs! I hope you get lots of faboo comments on your birthday post. :D

Bdaze

Jan. 1st, 2010 09:47 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo Birdie to [livejournal.com profile] missakins!

Bdaze

Dec. 28th, 2009 07:48 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
In Philly for the so forgive the grp bdays, but Hippo Birdie to [livejournal.com profile] felishathekitty, [livejournal.com profile] copykitty, and [livejournal.com profile] kaliwohi!

Bdaze

Dec. 17th, 2009 01:38 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo Birdie to the ever fabulously fantastic [livejournal.com profile] zorathenne!

Bdaze

Dec. 15th, 2009 09:01 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
A Very Hippo Birdie to [livejournal.com profile] sirinek!
mermaidblue: (Default)
I have officially passed the pediatric Board exam!!!!!!!!

Xmas

Dec. 6th, 2009 12:08 am
mermaidblue: (Default)
Since a few people have asked, here's the link for my wishlist:

http://www.amazon.com/wishlist/38M8LMQ8FC9RF

But please only if you are so inclined and if it will not strain your finances. I don't expect gifts from anyone except J; and I don't to contribute to the stress of the season for anyone.

Bdaze

Dec. 5th, 2009 01:19 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Judging by the rum soaked post you ejoyed it, but a very happy belated birthday to you my brother [livejournal.com profile] waywalker!!!!

Bdaze

Dec. 5th, 2009 01:17 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hope you have a wonderful day on you special day [livejournal.com profile] atsilvsga !!!

well, fuck!

Dec. 4th, 2009 08:21 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Apparently, my brain is made of swiss cheese.

hmmm

Nov. 29th, 2009 05:49 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
not really sure how I'm doing but thanks for asking/caring! *hugs*

Bdaze

Nov. 29th, 2009 03:53 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo Birdie to the wonderful in both spirit and physical presence [livejournal.com profile] ama3x3!

Bdaze

Nov. 22nd, 2009 07:41 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy bday to the ever-entertaining, ever-fabulous, ever-interesting [livejournal.com profile] vernanrd!

FYI

Nov. 15th, 2009 07:43 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
November is fired because:

Monday is the 5th anniversary of my mom's death. I'm never at my nest this time of year, but also...

My boss fell and broke his leg on Friday night. He called me while waiting for an ambulance. I've been on call since then on what was supposed to be my only weekend off all month.

I have no idea what's gonna happen at work. They are trying to get an emergency fill-in doc. In the meantime, I'm no call every second of every day for the foreseeable future and have to see all the patients, though I have no idea exactly how many that will be.

Frankly, I don't know if the office will be able to stay open if we can't get some help. There is no way I can see enough patients by myself to pay the overhead, not even in the most optimistic of worlds.

I'm desperately trying to hold on to the few fun things I have planned, with varying degrees of success.

I apologize in advance if I'm touchy or out of touch for a while until things settle down. I prolly won't be saying much for a while to forestall copious whining.

Frack!

Nov. 14th, 2009 05:31 pm
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November is fired!

Bdaze

Oct. 31st, 2009 09:20 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy birthday to the spookily wonderful [livejournal.com profile] skellington.

off kilter

Oct. 24th, 2009 02:20 pm
mermaidblue: (balance)
I'm feeling very off this morning.

Waking up to a call at 7 AM didn't help. NO I will not prescribe you antibiotics over the phone without an exam. NOT happening. I did however call in some meds to help with the symptoms and give them somewhere to go it they got worse. A few hours later, the same thing again. So I gave up on trying to sleep even though I'm exhausted.

So far I've cleaned up in the basement, cleaned the litter box, and done a load of dishes. I'm also working on making a dessert for tonight. MOst of which J really should have done already. The last few weeks he's really been slacking off. I find it very frustrating especially since I'm working 2-3 hours unpaid overtime daily and generally get home totally worn out. There is usually hot yummy dinner waiting for me. But other than dinner and laundry, he isn't consistent about doing any of the other chores around the house. All I want to to is sleep and relax, but I guess I can't.
mermaidblue: (Default)
I'm doing ok in my post boards recovery.

I let me diet go to total shit the last week, so I'm slowly dragging myself back to healthy eating. The exercising starts tomorrow and then I can start losing weight again. The current goal is 215, because I've found if I think of the 45 lbs or so I still want to lose I'll get depressed. Still it's better than the 70 or 80 I started with as a goal.

I still find I anger more easily than I'd like or than is my baseline. But that is starting to get better as well.

Work is fine but totally crazy. We're still seeing a lot of flu and waiting for the 2nd wave to hit. But I did get a raise and more vacation in recognition of my efforts, so that helped my mood a lot.

I have a ton of things I want to do that I'd been putting off, like refinance the house while the interests are still low and get the yard in order for the fall. And get my and J's cars on the same insurance. The list is long and daunting.

But at least I get to have hobbies again! Right now I'm making gnocchi florentine, focaccia, tiramisu, and salmon for some friends for dinner. tomorrow I start crocheting my niece's blanket again!

Bdaze

Oct. 16th, 2009 08:49 am
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo birdie to [livejournal.com profile] envoy, [livejournal.com profile] sir_alf, and [livejournal.com profile] luckypooka this week! May your natal day bring you luck and joy. :)
mermaidblue: (Default)
All done. won't find out if I passed until 1/15/10. After ribeye with blue cheese, cheese n bacon mashed potatoes, and some rose champagne I really don't care.
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo birdie to [livejournal.com profile] bottledgoose, [livejournal.com profile] siadda, [livejournal.com profile] kjpepper, and [livejournal.com profile] quodlibetic! I hope y'all had/have your favorite kind of great day.

BDaze

Oct. 5th, 2009 01:05 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Hippo birdie to the always fabulous [livejournal.com profile] addictionkitten!

Frag it

Oct. 4th, 2009 09:43 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Really frustrated. No dinner yet and it's looking like I won't get to watch was the movie that was the only thing I wanted to do today because J is futzing around and I have to get up tomorrow. You know to do the work thing that pays ALL the bills. Plus his brother's been visiting for the last 4 days which means the 2 of them are playing around while I try to study, take calls, and go to the hospital. Plus the 2 dogs and the visiting kitten are crawling on me trying to make me feel better, but just making me feel more closed in.

Really tired. In order to get the weekend before my board exam off, I have had to work for the last 3 wks straight without a single day off except for when I was flooded in. Have not left work before 6 PM or had an actual lunch in that whole time either because of the patient load. So far since I left work Friday I've gotten a lot of calls, had to send 2 babies to the NICU, and had to drive over an hr one way to the hospital all 3 days to see the babies that were doing ok.

Really scared. The board exam is a week from tomorrow. I've taken 2 practice tests and done ok, but not stellar. All I need to do is pass but if I fail I'll be a total wreck between having to do it all over again and being out over $2000 on courses, supplies, and the test itself. Still have about 400 pages to read and then need to brush up on the 6 subjects (out of about 30) I did the worst on the last practice test. Plus the more than full time job. At least no one can say I didn't try.

Other than that everything's fine.

GA Floods

Sep. 23rd, 2009 01:31 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
We're doing just fine in my basement, me, J, and the dogs.

Our neighborhood was all blocked in on Sunday and Monday, but we were able to get out yesterday. Two ways out of the neighborhood were flooded or blocked by fallen trees, but eventually we found a 3rd way through. We still can't drink the water or use it for anything without boiling it. We have a little bottle water for drinking, and haven't lost power like some. So we're camping out for today.

I made it in to work yesterday, over a bridge that had the water up to but not over the edge of the wall. Unfortunately with the rain upstream things continued to get worse and worse near my town. It took me 4+ hours to find a way back home. The entire town of Austell was closed off by the national guard, so I had to take a large detour around that as well. Could find a way out for love nor money this morning though. Didn't even try given all the detours yesterday night.

Right now, the main roads are again open, so there are still tons of secondary and tertiary roads closed. If the rains between TX and AL hold off far a couple of days we'll be fine. I don't know what'll happen if it starts raining again tomorrow, though it'll depend on how hard it comes down and for how long.

Wish us luck, and my sister (who had a broken nose) as well.

Bdaze

Sep. 19th, 2009 05:36 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy Birthday to the everlovin' [livejournal.com profile] photognome!

wtf

Sep. 16th, 2009 09:39 pm
mermaidblue: (F U)
Today was not a good day. Not at all.

I got yelled at for sighing too much. No I am not kidding. Oh, and for dropping the charts on to the nurse station desk too hard.

But soon there will be ice cream. And there is a very silly movie on my DVD player.
mermaidblue: (Default)
I apparently have walking pneumonia. Which explains why I've been sick for over 3 weeks. meh.

For those on Facebook and Twitter, my job angst is over with. Just some momentary insanity due to a series of unfortunate events.

Also, 3 AM not a good time to have a fight when you have to go to work the next morning. Ended up getting sent home sick, so at least I got to catch up on sleep.

Bdaze

Aug. 22nd, 2009 08:36 pm
mermaidblue: (Default)
Happy Birthday to the always fabulous but way too far away [livejournal.com profile] descent_beckons!

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