well, now

Mar. 19th, 2012 09:19 pm
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[personal profile] mermaidblue
It's been a minute since I wrote much. Partly it's been work and partly busy...but mostly that most days I'm fairly content.

I have knitting group, and pottery class just finished. I'm planning to take a stained glass class next. I've had a few really good visits with friends here.

The doldrums of winter have been no fun at all. I'm still pretty up and down overall. Some days are good, and others not so much.

Going to my cousins place was great fun....but it did make me realize how very much I want a life like that. Their kids are fabulous, and I am apparently "incredible" with them and "diplomatic". LOL! So that threw me into a tailspin for a few days.

Of course, the anniversary of Tasha's death was also difficult. I still miss her horribly. The losses in my life seem to keep piling up...but sadly the gains not so much. Well, I guess my career is finally progressing, but otherwise *shrug*

Jason is still in touch and, as far as I know, still sober. We've had a few decent talks, and a few tough ones. He insists that none of this was my fault, but I'm sure there are things I could have done better. He still hopes we'll get back together someday, which may be possible but not right now. I'm ok with talking to him, but not ok with seeing him so my trip to GA in May will be unadvertised.

What's bothering me about the post-J world right now is that I'm still worried about whether he is drinking or not. I'd like to think I'm being selfless, but no...I want him to get better at least partly to prove that I wasn't wrong about believing in him.

The other disturbing shift I've noticed is that I'm starting to wonder about men I meet again. That's not bad in and of itself...after all eventually I'll start dating again. It's the way I look at them I don't like. I keep wondering if they could be "the one". Well, of course they can't! I don't even know them. It just strikes me as unhealthy.

Today was the fist really beautiful spring day we've had here....so I took it off, for the most part at least. I slept late, sat in the sun, thought about gardening, and took a nap.

Ta ta for now. bed time again!

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