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[personal profile] mermaidblue
Today was mostly good.

I was on all last night and actually got to sleep! So I stayed up all day.

Mostly I watched "Big Bang Theory" and laughed! Dishes, laundry, minor shopping, and more window sealing against the cold also got done.

Tomorrow some friends are coming over to help me move the bed out of the old bedroom and pack up some of J's stuff. The comes the sage, the painting, and the rearranging.

Sadly, wandering around Hyannis running errands just made me think of J. He haunted the book store, the Bed Bath & Beyond, even the grocery store. If I though we could have an honest conversation I'd call him to debrief... try and figure out what part I may have played in this farce. But given that I'm pretty sure he stole some things just because he knew I cared about them and that I know he went and bought alcohol, that's likely impossible.

I muddle on. I read, I learn, I recognize some ingrained behaviors in myself. I still don't want to look at men, or have them interested in me. I have some angry letters to write. And a lot of healing to do.

Maybe someday I'll meet someone else and have a family. Or maybe not. And I need to learn to be ok with both possibilities.

So I'm eating pizza for dinner, and drinking champagne to toast new beginnings. The veil plan includes hot tub soaks, reading fiction, and a fire just for me. Oh, and I bought myself some more flowers as well!


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March 2013


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