well fuck

Dec. 9th, 2011 03:34 am
mermaidblue: (Default)
[personal profile] mermaidblue
To sum up in a song lyric:
"Well I guess that push has come to this, so I guess this must be shove." ~Ani DiFranco

Mostly I'm writing this because I know some of you worry. Also because I need some thing the fuck out of my head.

Right now I want to curl up in a ball and die. I would give anything right now to just stop thinking and feeling. Don't stress, I'm not actually suicidal...just at my breaking point. But what's a few more cracks, eh?

I found out that Jason was drinking when he visited his family in GA. Drinking enough to start vomiting blood, and then had more the next day hidden in Gatorade. Not only did he do, but when he came home he did not tell me.

This is a huge betrayal. I almost wish he had cheated on me instead. I think it would have hurt less. No one is perfect, but to lie...he had excuses but they are in the end only excuses. And I'm sick of those.

So we've reached the end of the options and chances and pathways. At this point it's join AA and never have another sip of alcohol, or leave. And he knows. I'll cross my fingers.

Hope may spring eternal, but it;s a very small stream at this point.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-09 08:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tisiphone.livejournal.com
If he is drinking enough to puke blood and then going back at it the next day, he has a serious medical problem that you cannot help him with. He needs to do it himself. I hope he does, for your sake.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-09 12:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ama3x3.livejournal.com
as someone who lived with 2 alcoholics, allow me to say that until he hits whatever rock bottom is for him, he will not change. in my experience, you will hit rock bottom before he will. also, AA will only work if he does it for himself. people who go for any other reason will probably not last. you need to find an Al-Anon group(family support) and learn how this is not your problem or your fault. as I'm sure you know alcoholism is a symptom of the problem, not the actual problem. the drinking is how J forgets the problem. to most reasonable people, vomiting blood would be "rock bottom". that he still went on drinking tells you volumes about his road ahead. you need to focus on not being co-dependent with issues you can't control. by the way, the only thing you CAN control is your reaction to situations that come your way.
sorry to not have better news. you need to take care of yourself. J is not your responsibility. he's free, white, and over 21. he needs to take responsibility for himself.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-09 01:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reprobayt.livejournal.com
Just damn.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-09 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] paradisacorbasi.livejournal.com
I'm sorry.

I hope that he realizes what he stands to lose if he doesn't get it together and get the help he needs.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-10 03:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bheansidhe.livejournal.com

You can call if you need to....I don't know your schedule.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-10 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bheansidhe.livejournal.com
Is there an Al-Anon group near you where you can get some immediate support?

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-12 06:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wanderingastray.livejournal.com
oh honey. I'm so sorry that it's so serious. Echoing what some of your other friends have said.. don't forget to get help for yourself. Alcholism doesn't just affect the alcoholic; the emotional toll it exacts on the family is just as bad if not worse.

Take care of you, darlin'. Keepin' you in my thoughts.

(no subject)

Date: 2011-12-13 01:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 2redpath5.livejournal.com
I am soo very sorry honey.


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