Jan. 14th, 2012

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Friday the 13th did turn out to be a f*ed up day. But not for expected reasons.

My gym training appointment go canceled at the last minute.

Jason woke up sober, so I took the opportunity to talk to him about some things. Apparently he is leaving in the next week. He's going to his mother's but lied and said he didn't know where he is going. He also said he didn't know if he'd have a safe place for the dogs, though I know his mom would never let them suffer. More emotional blackmail. But we did get the issue of what he is and isn't taking with him talked through with very few snags. He's driving, so he can't take all of his things. He still has to let me know what he wants done with them and about his ticket to Wales.

On a more emotional level, I tried to make it clear that while I care about him and still see all the things I love about him, they are all buried underneath his disease. I tried to separate him from his disease... but he still kept talking about how he was trying and it wasn't enough. We both cried a lot and agreed that we didn't blame each other but were just in a place where it couldn't work. He kept asking what he could do for me. I refrained from saying grow the hell up and get help.

Then I went to see a movie with my co-worker Cynthia. Which I told Jason was the gym appt since he hates here and I don't need the drama. Not good, I know. But ever so functional right now.

When I came back he and I were supposed to go to Barnes and Noble to get his paycheck. But he was passed out having drunk 2/3 L of vodka. So I had an extended snuggle session with the puppies and caught up on TV until about 11P. Sleep was had- decent sleep actually.

This morning I got up early to go to the rescheduled gym appt. It was pretty good. I'm not as weak as I thought, but there were some surprising deficiencies. I tried to get my car back form the shop after that, but they were closed with their hours listed neither on the website, voice mail, or door. So instead I went to the bank and got a few steps closer to separating the finances.

When I got back from all that, J asked me to go to lunch with him. I had a work related lunch meeting, so said no. It went fine...may actually lead to some new friends. Got home and spent most of the afternoon watching the hilarious Big Bang theory. In the course of the afternoon, I told him if he wanted to do something for me he could clean up his vomit before he left. Jason got us Chinese for dinner to repay the pizza I bought last week. I was going to pay him the difference in the cost, but then found he'd had about 1 L of my gin.

The fact that since Sunday he has had 4 L of vodka and 1 L of gin without dying makes me think he's been binging every time I've left him alone for quite a while. And that's without me trying to monitor what he's taking- just the obvious evidence- could be more. Not the evidence I would prefer but more proof that I am doing the right things as much as it hurts.

I tried to warn his mom but her response was "he's getting it out of his system before he comes here." Not much hope there. But not my problem anymore either. Whatever he doesn't take with him I'll sell or ship before I start rearranging furniture, painting, etc. One way or the other he will be out of my house, if not my heart, within a month.

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March 2013

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