Jan. 4th, 2012

Damn it all

Jan. 4th, 2012 02:44 pm
mermaidblue: (change)
I can't be his wife. I want to be. I want to be so badly. But I just can't do it.

Jason is a wonderful man in many ways. I love his company. We have lots of fun together. He makes me laugh every day. He loves me whole-heartedly. And he has made amazing progress as a person while we have been together.

But he is not capable of having an emotionally intimate relationship at this point in his life. He doesn't know how to be a partner. Even if he never took another drink again, this would still be true.

And that's ok. He is who he is. But he's not who I need in my life. I need someone who relishes life. Someone who has his own adventures as well as adventures with me. Someone who will talk to me so that I don't feel like I'm beating my head against a wall.

Jason could be that person, but he isn't right now. And he may never be.

Of course, there is still the whole how to get out issue. I keep trying to tell him but he doesn't listen. It may take months to actually get there. But at least I know. It doesn't make it not hurt. But it makes it hurt less.

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